Listen Up! Real Infertility Conversations

Have you heard the news? It's National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)! 

Not blogging this week would feel like a true injustice to the whole reason I created this page. Not only does this blog give me my best emotional outlet, but I hope that it'll also increase infertility awareness among my friends, family, and anyone else who happens upon it. Before my Unicornuate Uterus diagnosis (check out my first post for more info), I had never knowingly met anyone struggling with infertility. Once I started to break the news to people, I quickly realized that most don't know exactly how to react. I don't blame any of them, infertility is oftentimes a disease that couples struggle with silently. I can't honestly know for sure how I would have responded if it were a friend telling me they couldn't have a baby.


I've noticed that most people I've told have opted for one of two responses. Either with what they think might be an encouraging token of words, or a joke about how I'm "lucky" I don't have kids yet.

PSA: The latter is literally the worst thing you could say to someone trying to start a family. 

For the most part I'm a pretty positive person, calm demeanor, silly and sarcastic around those closer to me. It's not unusual that anyone would think that type of response would be one I'd react to best. But what they don't know is that it's a knife to the heart every time. The following are actual word-for-word things people have said to me:

"It's just not your time yet. When the moment's right it'll happen."
"God has a plan."
"If you want a kid, you can take mine, hahaha!"
"Maybe you've just gotta try a little harder πŸ˜‰πŸ˜!"
"What I'd do to go back to my kid-free days for just a week."
"You're so young! You've got plenty of time to have kids!"
*sighs* "Just wait until you actually have one of your own."
"Don't have more than one, they're monsters."

There's more, but I'm pretty sure you get where I'm going.
The one thing that your infertile friend is searching for when they share this intimate part of their life with you is support. There's a time and a place for advice and witty comebacks, but it can't be found in this conversation. At the point that a friend is finally ready to share their story with you, keep in mind that they've probably already had many failed attempts at pregnancy. They've probably seen their doctor and have gone through all of the possibilities that might explain why it's not working. They aren't coming to you to fix their problems, they know you can't do that so you don't have to try. Instead some of my favorite conversations around infertility have involved these things:

πŸ‘ I love when someone tells me that they're excited that we're trying to start a family followed by a supportive hug. I'm a hugger! I LOVE HUGS!
πŸ‘What makes me even happier is when I've piqued a curiosity in someone. Please don't be afraid to ask me questions! As difficult a subject as this is, I feel good when I'm able to explain to someone why it hasn't worked for me yet. I have a Unicorn Uterus for crying out loud, if you aren't wondering what that is, why!? #informedfriendsmakegoodfriends

In honor of NIAW, take a second to check out Resolve. They're dedicated to spreading infertility awareness by educating the community, supporting those affected, and advocating for the health coverage infertile families deserve. Don't forget to check out the personal stories that have been shared! I'm insanely thankful that my story is included on their website, and have personally read each and every story they've shared so far. There are so many different ways that infertility affects those around you, and these stories are proof. Check out my and other's stories here!

Together we can help spread infertility awareness πŸ’•





Comments

  1. “So I’m someone’s mom!” Welcoming our first child, Cecily Philips Donnell, at 12:24 p.m. on Tuesday, July 14. We are absolutely head over heels in love with Cecily, and parenthood is already the most insane and beautiful thing in existence, It's made me excited to have a little spitfire of a daughter of my own. I remembered when i found out i was pregnant 3years ago and was about to walk away from the musical. But at eight weeks, i had a miscarriage. i was so unhappy, until i seek help spiritually from a Dr Iya the herbal practitioner, who helps and guide me to get pregnant again, even at the trying times few weeks in April when i battled symptoms of the coronavirus including "a cough that makes it feel like my head is splitting open from the inside out, but luckily, the baby was okay with the doctors help. i am happy to finally be a mother, couples out there that needs help, trying to conceive a baby, contact my doctor on nativeiyabasira@yahoo.com , you will definitely have a baby to make you a parent.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts